A Four Year Old's Triathlon

KidTri
Originally uploaded by jjactive2.

.05 mile swim
.25 mile bike
.1 mile run

Race Week
Notice Darth Vader jammie bottoms feeling tight in the waist. How quickly we gain it back during taper! Sneak out for Big Wheel cross-training around block. Mommy none the wiser.

Race Eve
Place secret weapon — The Incredibles Dash socks for running faster — in gear bag.

Put Zipp Disc training wheels on bike and say silent prayer for no crosswinds.

Pre-Race
Spin around in circles in transition area until felled by dizziness. Success!

Slip juice bag into Profile Aero Drink Bracket. Note to self: Drop off pack of Starburst for bike shop guys who rigged system.

Prompted for last-minute questions, raise hand and ask race director why fish like water.

Swim
Borrow foot pump from Billy to inflate water wings to maximum pressure. Every edge counts!

Feel temporarily flummoxed when lead swimmer stops to blow bubbles. After determining your bubbles are better, swim over her.

T1
Accidentally leave shorts in restroom after potty break. Flash exasperated look when Mommy points out pants are required.

Negotiation time: “Dad, can I ride without a helmet if I go slow?”

Bike
“Ding!” Ring Batman bell on handlebars to announce start of ride.

Coast through puddle near aid station. Back through puddle. Turn around, go back 10 yards, and build speed to make bigger splash. Frown at wet socks but forge ahead.

Pick up pace on downhill, get aero, and then lay down three-foot skid mark on road. Stop to admire.

Feeling dangerously close to bonking, pull over, grab bag of fruit snacks from fuel belt, and ask spectator to “please open them.” Get slapped with 2:00-minute “time out” by ITU race official for accepting outside assistance. Drop purple fruit snack into mud but, citing "five-second rule," pop it into mouth.

T2
Turn to TJ while racking bike and ask, “Is Red Tornado a good guy or a bad guy? And why does he wear a cape?”

Slide on VELCRO®-fastened Spiderman shoes and wonder if they are on right feet. Time will tell.

Run
Twenty steps into the run, chase down and tag Missy, who has stopped to study ants on road, and exclaim, “You’re it!”

“Is this freeze tag or what?” Missy asks. Too busy poking ants with stick to respond.

Finish
Hobbled by pebble in shoe, sit down 25 yards from finishing chute and begin to cry. Feel tap on shoulder and look up to see Barney. “You finish!” he urges.

Swear to never do this again and then quickly crawl toward the line before that creepy purple dinosaur starts singing.

This story originally appeared in the December issue of SwimBikeRun St. Louis Magazine.