Racer X: 100 Best First Lines From Novels (10-12)
Wherein Anonymous Racer X takes the 100 Best First Lines From Novels and turns each one into the opening of a really lame tri-blog post by an infuriatingly self-obsessed triathlete.
Today's installment: Opening Lines 10-12.
Previous installment (7-9).
10. I am an invisible man.
That can be the only excuse for Windii repeatedly swimming over me at masters last night. Can I not have dignity and equality in this day and age? Or must I be forced most ignobly to move down to a slower lane?
—Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man (1952)
11. The Miss Lonelyhearts of the New York Post-Dispatch (Are you in trouble?—Do-you-need-advice?—Write-to-Miss-Lonelyhearts-and-she-will-help-you) sat at his desk and stared at a piece of white cardboard.
Should I train with a heart-rate monitor? Is GU better than Power Gel? What is the most aero bike drink system? Can I really get rock-hard abs in five short weeks? These readers' inane questions—will they never halt? Today Miss Lonelyhearts just wants to be left in peace to read his new copy of Inside Triathlon with Natascha Badmann on the cover.
—Nathanael West, Miss Lonelyhearts (1933)
12. You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter.
That book was made by Mister Mark Twain, and he didn't no diddly about triathlon. It also ain't no matter that me and my friend, Jim, we ain't ever had no proper running shoes. Runner's World's annual guide of shoes is out, and we's a fixin' to get us some decent Brooks Adrenalines.
—Mark Twain, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
Today's installment: Opening Lines 10-12.
Previous installment (7-9).
10. I am an invisible man.
That can be the only excuse for Windii repeatedly swimming over me at masters last night. Can I not have dignity and equality in this day and age? Or must I be forced most ignobly to move down to a slower lane?
—Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man (1952)
11. The Miss Lonelyhearts of the New York Post-Dispatch (Are you in trouble?—Do-you-need-advice?—Write-to-Miss-Lonelyhearts-and-she-will-help-you) sat at his desk and stared at a piece of white cardboard.
Should I train with a heart-rate monitor? Is GU better than Power Gel? What is the most aero bike drink system? Can I really get rock-hard abs in five short weeks? These readers' inane questions—will they never halt? Today Miss Lonelyhearts just wants to be left in peace to read his new copy of Inside Triathlon with Natascha Badmann on the cover.
—Nathanael West, Miss Lonelyhearts (1933)
12. You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter.
That book was made by Mister Mark Twain, and he didn't no diddly about triathlon. It also ain't no matter that me and my friend, Jim, we ain't ever had no proper running shoes. Runner's World's annual guide of shoes is out, and we's a fixin' to get us some decent Brooks Adrenalines.
—Mark Twain, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
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