Activating Ronaldo's Back-Heel Goal

The difference between skill and what I have:

Deactivating Night Sweats

Fourteen consecutive nights of flu-related night sweats: You have been Deactivated. After all these years, I discovered a new use for Coolmax clothing: wicking away the wetness during a fever. As with running, cotton is rotten when it comes to night sweats.

Earth to Bloggers: You. Have. Been. Deactivated.

Writing. Like. This. Is. Not. Cute. Or. Cool. Just. Annoying.

Treadmill Hurdles

Anonymous Racer X's new top-secret workout for Ironman Pakistan:

Summer Travels X

A "trail run" at Great Smoky Mountains National Park:



Running on the beach at Hilton Head Island is incredible — if you get out early in the morning, before the crowds and heat. One early morning I ran alongside a pair of porpoising dolphins, just 50 feet out in the Atlantic Ocean, for almost two miles.



Fantastic riding (packed-down sandy beach and trail network) too:

Summer Travels VI: United States Holocaust Memorial Museum

A powerful building design by architect James Ingo Freed creates an emotional experience. Don't miss it if you're in D.C.

Summer Travels V: National World War II Memorial

This is new since I was last in D.C.; it sits between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument.

Summer Travels IV: Preparing for a Good Old-Fashioned White House Raising

Right after I snapped this shot, the Amish guy in the blue tackled me and attempted to delete my pictures while ranting and raving about "paparazzi of the Age of Information." He was surprisingly strong.

Summer Travels I

From the St. Louis Arch into the new Busch Stadium:

Saturday Mailbagging

From #1 Make Nice Friend of Activeness (FOA) Marshall:

The latest HBO Real Sports (#124) gets my nod, not for the arrogant Gary Sheffield who has the lead story, but for the look at Sir Ranulph Fiennes, who is profiled as once being named the world's greatest adventurer by the Guinness Book of World Records. He of marathon fame a few years back: 7 marathons / 7 days / 7 continents - four months after having a heart attack...among many other amazing outdoor mountain and running adventures. A good watch, worth the 15 minutes.

Word to Borat story, too! Me make nice with Kazakhstan sister of # 2 Prostitute in town.

Marshall

From Activeness Reader John W. from Bethesda, Md:

Thank you for posting your March 2006 article about Craig Virgin. This morning, I read about Alan Webb breaking the American record for the mile -- Webb was a high school phenom in Northern Virginia, not far from where I now live -- and it made me think about my high school days, growing up in St. Louis County and the time I went to the Alton Relays with my track team and watched Craig Virgin lap the field in the two-mile run.

Your article came up when I "Googled" Craig's name, and I truly appreciated the opportunity to read about how he's been doing since the end of his competitive running career. I knew nothing about the accident in 1997 (my wife and I have lived in the Washington, D.C. area for twenty years, and the news never made it here), and I never knew about his childhood health issues. As an unremarkable runner who is now 51 and dealing with the fact that even runners like me have to cut back and modify training regimens, your piece about the far-greater challenges Craig has faced over the years was inspiring and put a lot of my own minor challenges in perspective.

Again, thank you, and best regards.

John W.

"The dashboard melted but we still have the radio" (repeat 5,000 times)

Activeness isn't going down for the count with a Bjarne Riis post — and the levitating goat bike wreck story Must Be Told. For now, here's my summer song of the year so far: "Dashboard" by Modest Mouse. Not a bad tune to get stuck in your head during a three-hour run. The goofy video reminds me why I no longer watch music videos (RIP, J.J. Jackson).

The QT on the Big 48

Today I had to actually run inside a QuikTrip. Man, they sell a ton of crap in those stores. I was amazed.

But I finally figured out what 99.48% of the people in the 48 continental U.S. states are doing when they're not cruising the highways between their jobs and their suburban homes: They're all spending $48 filling up their $48K SUV gas tanks at one of QT's 48 pumps, they're all 48 pounds overweight, and they're all buying 48-oz. drinks and 480-calorie candy bars from a choice of 48 different QT varieties.

QuikTrip: For just being too much and too good at what you do -- which is to cater to the ravenously obnoxious American consumer -- you have been Deactivated. There must be more to life than convenience, cheap super-sized slushy drinks and powdered donuts.

Coming up soon: Whatever You Do, Cyclists, Don't Look at the Levitating Zombie Goats on Peyote.

Deactivating The Venetian Hotel

A GloboCorp co-worker tells Activeness! that The Venetian Hotel in Vegas charged her $35 to use the fitness center one time — and she was a guest there.

"I felt way too much pressure to get in a good workout on the elliptical machine," she said.

I would have folded.

Shout out to JPD, SFOA Jamie and the "You have been Activated guy," who all raced at the Memphis in May triathlon yesterday. I hear JPD -- when he wasn't running eventual winner Chris "Macca" McCormack off the course -- had a fast race against strong competition.

Still coming soon: "Whatever You Do, Don't Look at the Goats."

Deactivating Activeness

Friend of Activeness (FOA) Ryan has Deactivated Activeness for failing to Activate or Deactivate much of anything lately. Deactivation accepted. (Thank you sir, may I have another?) JPD is midway through a 36-week Ironman training plan, Anonymous Racer X hasn't been heard from since he went to get a "I (heart) Kim Jong-II" tattoo on his calf after his DNS at Ironman North Korea, and I've been busy separating the wheat from the chaff.

But stay tuned for our next post: "Whatever You Do, DON'T Look at the Goats."

I Paid $38K a Year to Hear, "Feels like déjà-vu all over again"?

...from an eighth-grade dropout who played pro baseball half a century ago? For inviting Yogi Berra to give a graduation commencement address, Saint Louis University has been Deactivated. He's probably a nice guy, but I wouldn't want him sharing his "life lessons" with my kindergarten graduate.

Bike Racks In the Rain, Smokers Under Cover

Deactivated.

Goal Diego, Goal!

Definition of a "longshot:"

Contrasts

I found out yesterday Person A ran 10-12 miles per day during his family vacation in southwest Florida. That's part of his idea of a nice, relaxing week. The Diesel: You have been Activated.

When I observed to Person B last night that her new home would be just three blocks from her office, she said, "Yes, I'm thinking about buying one of those electric carts so won't even have to drive to work." Non-walker: You have been Deactivated.

From Bill Maher's 3/16/07 New Rules:

"New Rule: Don't worry about your kids getting fatter, just because McDonald's is trying to move them from the Quarter-Pounder to a new One-Third-Pounder. It won't work. They're American kids. They don't know a third is bigger than a quarter."

Deactivating Rocky

Note to self: "Don't try to sneak human growth hormone into Australia." If new performance-enhancing drugs could improve the crap that Hollywood pumps out, I'd be all for it. I don't think the ones they're using are helping.

Deactivation Rules of Engagement

SFOA Jamie submitted a formal inquiry to JPD on the Activeness "Rules of Deactivation" and this was his response — edited by our legal team but nevertheless intact.

"Deactivation rules are still evolving. However, most Deactivations are of a specific action by a person. Therefore the entire person is usually not Deactivated unless they have no redeeming qualities, which has happened.

"If someone is completely negative or has done something inexcusable, then a permanent Deactivation is allowed. This status must be explicitly stated in any type of Deactivation proclamation.

"A Double-Deactivation can also take place if there are two reasons to Deactivate or if a second or repeat offense has taken place and there was no prior permanent Deactivation on record.

"A third Deactivation of the same person or entity has not yet occurred — probably because permanent Deactivations usually occur at the first or second occurrence."

Super Bowl MVP, for acting as a Sweet 16 party favor: You have been Deactivated.

Permanent Deactivations also go out to any coward who would ever hit a woman and to Ann "I'm so ashamed, I can't stop laughing!" Coulter and, especially, since she can fall back on the unacceptable but widely used "just doing my job" defense, all the American Conservative Union Political Action Conference people in the audience laughing and cheering her on.

Keep Rolling That Rock

I read a Rolling Stone intervew with John Mellencamp and then, a few days later, heard him make the same little pink analogy on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

"'I always do the same thing,' says John Mellencamp, comparing himself to Sisyphus. 'I never get to the top -- I just keep rolling that rock. I get knocked down, I dust myself off and I start over again.'"

Endurance sports feels a little like that - minus the cig.

Deactivating Froggy's Dad and Others

If you have young kids, you might know the Froggy series of books written by by Jonathan London: "Froggy Plays Soccer," "Froggy Bakes a Cake," Froggy Gets Dressed," etc. Zupf! The lovable frog does it all.

In at least a couple of the books, Froggy's dad seems to have checked out and is shown sleeping off who knows what in bed while mom takes care of business around the house and helps Froggy get his s*** together.

Last night I was reading one of these books to my five-year-old and he called out Froggy's dad: "Why is that guy always sleeping?" he asked me. "You are so not like Froggy's dad, Dad." Thanks for noticing, little man.

Other Sunday Deactivations:

* Blogger's buggy "Upload Image" tool: You have been Deactivated. I think you have to wear a wizard's hat, speak in tongues, and rub a rabbit's foot to make it work.

* Media covering the Anna Nicole Smith travesty: Deactivated. You chewed her up and spit her out and now you're continuing to haunt her in the afterlife. For the entire 40 minutes I was on a treadmill the other day, CNN Headline News had live, uninterrupted coverage of a bunch of somber-looking lawyers with neatly arranged bottles of water in front of them having some sort of meeting about where her corpse should go. Meanwhile, the words scrolling along the bottom of the screen were providing updates to new deaths in Iraq and that sort of non-bald Britney Spears, unsexy news.

* Guys who buy "The Vermont Teddy Bear" as a Valentine's Day gift and women who actually like receiving it (if there is such a creature): You have been Deactivated. Go see "Norbit" again.

* Standard "News, Weather, Sports" formula for local TV news: Deactivated. How is it that hundreds of different news productions all over the U.S. use the same exact stale format to present news? How about a little creativity? Your act is so tired that even "News, Sports, Weather" would be like a breath of fresh air.

* Flu bug or whatever that has knocked out JPD and The Diesel: Deactivated. When these two guys pass on the opportunity to workout on a morning the mercury finally climbs above 20 degrees, you know they're truly sick. The frigid last month or so has taken its toll. Enough. The bodies are rested, winter poundage is intact, everybody's getting restless, and it's time to get moving.

"There Will Be a Delay of Game"

Norbit #1??

American movie audiences: You have been Deactivated. Welcome to the Deactivation Hall of Fame.

No offense against people who get lotsa laughs watching Eddie Murphy dress up as an obese woman and who like to read about Anna Nicole Smith, but news like this (and a painful walk through a mall on Sunday) makes me wonder about this country's future. Go read a book or take a walk.

Frostbite Run

Barefoot running in the snow, you have been Deactivated.

I Hate Winter

The temperature outside my window at 6:50 AM this morning — yet another canceled long run.

That's bad news on the day we Americans hop into our Hummers and head to various obnoxiously large-screen bearing venues to celebrate our addiction to over-consumption with gusto: "Hey rest of world: Think Americans are fat, shallow, and lazy? Well you ain't seen nothing til you've seen Super Bowl Sunday. After seven pounds of cheese, eight (light) beers, and a vat of fudge, tomorrow's a sick day for sure! How do you like me now? Pass the Tums."

Anyway, it has been a crappy week of stealing kisses to get in various workouts via treadmills, indoor tracks, weight rooms, spinning classes, and trainer rides (though it was nice to see Zoolander and American Beauty again). The romance of changing seasons is way overrated.

One day my bike and I will live in a magical place where it is pleasantly warm year-round and where cheery little elves and/or unemployed models who are certified both as massage therapists and gourmet chefs will wax my surfboard, re-stock my GU and Gatorade supplies, and wash my bike and workout gear while I sleep.

Speaking of beautiful warm-weather freaks: Venice, California, beach cam. I wonder if that one guy still juggles chainsaws? Wish I was there.

Preview of Super Bowl Halftime Show

Activeness has obtained exclusive footage:



Rock me, Dr. Zaius!

As for the game: I love everything about Chicago except for the cabbies and the cold and will root for the Bears, but it's Rex versus Peyton. That's like me lining up against Faris Al Sultan at Ironman. Take the Colts and give the 7 points.

Leisure Suit

Fiftyish guy riding the Lifecycle at the gym last night while wearing a three-piece suit, tie, and wingtips: For not giving a damn and creating one of the weirdest scenes I've ever witnessed at this gym — which is saying a lot — you have been Activated. At least you loosened your tie.

Introducing the HyperBike

Who needs oil when we could all be getting around on the HyperBike? SPACE.com story.

Human Slingshot: You Have Been Activated

Though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't trust my safety to laughing, probably inebriated guys in four-wheelers. Seems like one step below the carnies.

Activating Black Socks

Oh no, I thought, when I removed my sweats to hop on the bike at spinning class and saw that I still was wearing my black dress socks from work. I usually wear Nike black socks but not today. Some days there are just too many things to remember. ...

FOA Jamie noticed immediately and made me feel better by revealing her secret:

"I just bought a nice, dressy new outfit for some job interviews and then my boyfriend noticed that I was wearing my triathlon socks with it. I told him, 'What if I get nervous and start sweating? My feet need to be comfortable.'"

Comfortable black workout socks worn with dress clothes: You have been Activated.

New Apple iPhone Also Works as a Treadmill

Gone to Look for America

So Art Garfunkel once did a walk across America:

"Somewhere around '84, I left my New York apartment, cut across Central Park, and went past my alma mater Columbia University, across the George Washington Bridge and I was in New Jersey. Most of the time I was alone with my Sony Walkman and my notebook in my pocket. .... Over forty more excursions, about three a year, taking about twelve years, I crossed the entire United States."

Now he's doing a Eurowalk, but hasn't reported any progress lately.

If the Green Man Escaped From the Traffic Light...

... he'd probably have a lot of energy. "Walk," you have been Activated.

Quote of the Day

From The Office, 1/11/07:

Dunder-Mifflin Stamford office transplant Andy Bernard (The Daily Show correspondent Ed Helms) on the tenacity he'll draw on to unseat Dwight Schrute as Michael Scott's go-to guy:

"My plan is talking longer than I've thought, but I don't give up easily. I've walked two marathons, so ..."

Illegally watch the episode on DailyMotion.com.

Massive Letsrun.com Traffic Gridlocks Activeness!

Popular running site Letsrun.com has made a quote about Steve Prefontaine from our March 2006 story on Craig Virgin its quote of the day. The thousands upon thousands of incoming hits have knocked the hamster that powers our server right off his wheel. Our apologies for any site slowdowns while Gus the Hamster catches his breath and knocks down a Vanilla Bean Gu.

Video from the Activeness! server room:

This Grace Brought to You by Powerade

In addition to being pretty much hilarious, Talladega Nights may have set a new record for most product placements in a movie. I guess that fits with the NASCAR culture, but I'd also say welcome to the TIVO-killing future of advertising. Though I'd almost rather drink battery acid than Powerade, here's my favorite product pump from Will Ferrell's Ricky Bobby. It comes while he's saying grace before his family's fast food dinner:

"Now, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates that I mention Powerade at each grace, I'd just like to say that Powerade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to Powerade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry."

Amen.

Christmas Spirit: O Holy Youtube Night

Il DIVO * Groban * The Corrs * Cartman

Christmas Spirit: Simon Sez Santa Do a Triathlon

Try Simon Sez Santa 2.0. I got Santa to swim, ride Rudolph, and run.

Christmas Spirit: Nutcracker Suite Played on Bike Parts

My favorite version of the Tchaikovsky holiday classic. Here's the story.

The Outside 100

From gift ideas to badass feats, Outside Online has the year's top 100 innovations and innovators.

Playoffs? Practice!

Allen Iverson and Jim Mora get all esoteric on us.

Christmas Spirit: It's a Wonderful Life (end)

This year save time by watching only the last five minutes.

Christmas Spirit: Bono + Pavarotti

Something to numb the pain of walking into Borders after spinning class and seeing a checkout line snaking through the entire store:



Hail Mary. And Bono wants his baby home for Christmas. Word.

Christmas Spirit: Bowie Meets Bing

Floyd Landis Probably Isn't Laughing at the Operation Gatorade Spoof

Operation Gatorade is a spoof about a fictional Australian athletic commission raiding athletes who use Gatorade to gain an unfair advantage. Funny.

Meanwhile, New York Daily News sports writer Wayne Coffey went to visit Floyd Landis at his home in the hills north of San Diego.

"If there is an athlete who has had a swifter and harder fall from grace than Floyd Landis, it is hard to imagine who."

Poignant story.